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  • Category Archives Self-Motivation
  • 3 Steps to the Art of Growth

    Guest Post By: Dave Brown

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    Let me fill you in on something that has been life changing. Most of you know my background with selling door-to-door with Southwestern, now hitting the phones with Southwestern Consulting. Well, at one point things got stagnate. I wasn’t sure what was going on, and I felt like nothing was moving forward. Have you ever been there? Are you at that point where some things are just falling apart?

    I have the solution for you. IDP.

    Identify.

    Duplicate.

    Perfect.

    You are in control of how great you become, and how great you get at prospecting… or anything.  This is a process, a simple system, that allows you to keep getting better and growing every single day.

    First step: Identify

    Each one on you has done great things and accomplished a lot in your life. Personal or professional, you have had some success. Let’s remember that time. Take yourself back there, and where you were mentally. Think back to when you had your best day ever. What did you do that day? How did you sound? What did you wear? What were you saying to yourself that day? Take yourself back to that place and think through those things when you were at the top of your game and make a list. Remember how people treated you and what they said to you. Write down how you were feeling, and just what was going on. This will be your first step.

    Second step: Duplicate

    Pretty simple. Every Sunday I have IDP time to recap the week and think about every great thing I did the week prior, so on Monday, I can duplicate those actions. I can repeat what it was about the week before that made a positive impact, and carry it on to the next week. Maybe you just start smiling at everyone. That is something you can repeat while helping yourself and others. Consciously be aware of the things that make you feel accomplished so you can continue doing those things. You will naturally start duplicating these things, which will lead you to the last step.

    Final step: Perfect

    Perfect what you know works. Perfect those processes and systems. You become amazing at calling people and prospecting. You grow and get better while you’re out serving others and changing people’s live through what you do. This is the perfection process.

    It starts with identifying, then you duplicate, then you perfect the great you that you are. Where I am at today, and the things that I have accomplished and keep doing, come from IDP. I continue to take these steps and great things unfold. You can do it too!

    Prospecting mastery is a habit and can be achieved by anyone dedicated to working a system better than anyone else ever has. Go out, get your habits and identify, duplicate, and perfect the best you! Go get it today!

    What is something you have done that you are so proud of, and continue to do? What have you perfected because you identified and duplicated it? Let me know! Tweet me @davebrown_swc or message me on LinkedIn. Let’s connect and grow together!  

    Dave Brown is a senior partner and executive level coach at Southwestern Consulting and author of the upcoming book Painless Prospecting. Dave was a record-breaking salesman for Southwestern Advantage, knocking on over 50,000 doors before the age of 25. He has spoken and trained over 100,000 sales professionals across the globe with Southwestern Consulting.


  • Whether You Believe It or Not, It’s Probably True

    Guest Post By: Amanda Johns Vaden

     

    “Whether You Believe It or Not, It’s Probably True.” That’s actually one of my very favorite quotes because I actually do believe that.

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    What I have found in my own personal life is that when I believe I can do something, I typically find a way. If I don’t really believe that something can happen, I rationalize my way out of trying to make it work.

    Have you ever done the same thing?

    Here’s the biggest question for this week’s blog:

    What do you believe that is actually possible in your life?

    Now that’s a really big and somewhat vague question because it could be personal, professional, or about your fitness life. It could even be about your financial life, your career, or your relationships. But the question remains the same.

    What do you believe in your life that you actually think can come true?

    That’s what I want to pause and think about this week.

    It’s Sunday night and I’m actually driving to a study with some of my girlfriends. As I sit and think about that question to myself, one of the things I notice that happens quite often is I immediately go to the realistic.

    I immediately go to things that are already in motion. I already think, “What are things that already have a track to run on and what do I just need to finish?” I wonder about the things that seem possible.

    I rarely think about the things that seem impossible. What are the things that could happen with a little creativity and ingenuity? Who are the people in my life who could help me make impossible things possible?

    Regardless of where you are and what, you believe on this stance here’s one thing I know to be true:

    Mind really does overcome matter.  

    If you believe something, more than likely you can find a way to make that become a reality.

    I also believe the opposite. If you don’t believe something is possible, you’ll never give it enough attention, effort, or resources for it to even become a glimmer of hope in your imagination.

    As you read this blog this week, I hope it helps you challenge your thinking with one thing:

    What is potentially impossible that actually could be possible with a little creativity, a little willpower, and the right people coming together to help you?

     

     

    Amanda Johns Vaden is a founding partner, executive coach and senior consultant at Southwestern Consulting. She has worked with over 400 sales offices nationwide.  Amanda is the author of the upcoming books Unspoken: Redefining Expectations Between  Men and Women in the World of Work and 4-Dimensional Follow up: Increasing Client Retention and Customer Loyalty Through Follow-Up.

    To visit Amanda Johns Vaden’s website, click here.


  • 5 Practices that will Make You a More Grateful and Happy Person

    Guest Post By: Rory Vaden

    Living-a-happier-lifeWe think of gratefulness as a soft skill, but I am very convinced that it is as tangible, practical, and pragmatic as learning to balance a checkbook or lift a set of weights.

    In fact…

    What working out is to looking good…

    and

    What balancing your checkbook is to being rich…

    is exactly

    What being grateful is to feeling happy.

    Learning to do the disciplined work of counting your blessings is the necessary and required skill for you to feel happy.And when you are counting blessings you will be happy because you are thinking about all that has been given to you instead of all that you don’t have.

    Here are 5 daily practices that will help you strengthen your “gratitude muscle” which will lead to a happy heart:

    1.     Choose to say thank you first thing in the morning – If you aren’t consciously thinking about the good things in your life, then you will often unconsciously start thinking about the challenging things. And the battle for your mind starts the first second that alarm clock goes off. I challenge you to make the VERY FIRST THOUGHT in your mind the moment you hear the alarm start with “Thank you for_____.” And then keep repeating it as many times as you can filling in the blank with different things.

    2.     Have high expectations of giving and no expectations of receiving. – Unmet expectations are a great source of our dissatisfaction. So having high expectations of what you deserve, what you feel is owed to you, and what you’ve earned sets you up for disappointment and makes it hard to be grateful. On the contrary, when you don’t feel like you deserve anything, then everything that comes to you is a wonderful blessing. And there is something magical about how appreciating your blessings brings more abundance into your life. By the way “giving without expectation of receipt” is the definition of the word Grace.

    3.     Respond to negative situations by counting blessings – Every time you are tired, upset, discouraged, frustrated, angry, or sad immediately catch yourself and start listing off all of the things you are thankful for – just like how you started your day. This is very hard; but if you can develop the discipline to do this one thing, it will drastically change your life.

    4.     Notice and engage with people who have less than you. – The more you pay attention to, and spend time with people who have less than you, the more your eyes are opened to all of the amazing blessings you have in your life that you take for granted. This can be volunteering, donating, or just mentoring people. It also reminds you how far you’ve come and how lucky you are.

    5.     Say thank you and give credit to those around you. – When you take credit for things, when you say “I did”, and when you believe it was all you, you start to feel owed. When you give away credit you are constantly intentional about the work and help of everyone around you. You start to realize that even if you did 100% of the work, there was a whole army of people in your life who made choices that helped create the circumstance you are in that enables you to do anything and everything you do. If there’s one thing on this list I’ve done wrong, it’s this one. Trust me, it’s not a good way to live – and it’s the fastest way to push those people who are so important to your success far, far away.

    Do these 5 pragmatic things. Practice them often. They won’t be easy, but they are simple. Like everything else, it’s just a decision to “Take the Stairs.”

    Self-Discipline Strategist Rory Vaden’s book Take the Stairs is a #1 Wall St Journal, #1 USA Today, and #2 New York Times bestseller. As an award-winning entrepreneur and business leader, Rory Co-Founded Southwestern Consulting™, a multi-million dollar global consulting practice that helps clients in more than 27 countries drive educated decisions with relevant data.  Additionally, as the founder of the Center for the Study of Self-Discipline (CSSD), his insights on improving self-discipline, overcoming procrastination and enhancing productivity have been featured on Fox and Friends, Oprah radio, CNN and in Fast Company, Forbes, Inc and Success Magazine. 


  • Facing Fear

    Guest Post By: Jay Wang

    Fear is the root of many challenges we face in life. If we really dig down, at the core of things, like worry, doubt, anxiety, depression, etc. you will find fear. Even things like rage, selfishness or apathy can be traced back to fear.

    Fear…Recently a few close friends and I went downhill mountain biking at a local ski resort, in the summer time you can take the ski lift up with a downhill mountain bike and hit some intense descents. It was really scary and admittedly most trails there were several levels higher than my current skill set. For those of you not familiar with mountain biking, the difference between cross-country or trail riding and downhill riding is exponential! We are talking huge jumps and turning corners that you can get horizontal in!

    I had gotten advice that often in an ugly situation where you are about to crash or… say hit a tree, you actually need to let off the brakes so that you can gain control, get traction, steer around the obstacle and ride out the situation. Counter-intuitive to say the least. I experienced this first hand noticing that the more afraid I felt, the more I seemed to use my brakes. The more I used my brakes the less traction I had, especially when over breaking and the more out of control I felt! I had to really face my fear and constantly focus on using my body and going with the flow of the trail vs my default fear based reaction to slam on the brakes. It ended up being an epic adventure, a good time and a victory!

    Sales, business, and life work the exact same way. Look at our fear based reactions like call reluctance, procrastination or self-sabotaging our own success. They again can all be traced back to a core element of fear.

    Here are a few steps to help you face your fears!

    1. Know the Enemy!  What are you afraid of? Name it and write it down. Acknowledge it and you may start to see how insignificant or unlikely it is. Understanding fear helps us to better react to it in the right way. Many of us have heard the old acronym that F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real. Though I agree entirely I would also like to submit that many times there is something very real we fear. Going back to my downhill mountain biking trip, I forgot to mention, that day we saw two broken collarbones and one guy got carried off in an ambulance. Believe me, the danger and risk was very real. HOWEVER, fear is a multiplier! It takes that risk and it exponentially multiplies that which we are afraid of! It snowballs in our creative imagination and becomes a monstrosity. So awareness is key!

    2. Do Battle with the EnemyFear is a cunning foe, you can not fight it by attacking it directly because whatever we resist persists. You can’t fight the fear of falling on a mountain bike by saying, don’t fall, don’t fall, don’t fall. Guess what your mind focuses on?!?  That’s right! Falling! And what usually ends up happening? You guessed it. Often times, fear causes us to do the things that will bring about exactly that which we do not want to have happen, like over breaking on a mountain bike. This applies to cornering on a motorcycle as well, FYI. So what do you do? Like a martial artist master, you must see the attack (in this case the fear), maneuver to allow the attack to pass right by you and make your move!  So what’s your move?

    a.     Focus on what you are doing and not on what it is you are afraid of.

    b.     Use Self-Talk or have a Mantra-  I got this! This is a walk in the park! This is fun! I’m crushing this!

    c.     Have a plan to focus on the right things!- do it step by step, break it down and slowly build momentum and confidence!

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    Happy Halloween! Go out and Face your Fears!

    Jay Wang started selling with The Southwestern Company while in college. He was in the top 1% of sales producers and was able to sell, recruit and manage teams in order to pay his own way though school. After graduating with a degree in Business Management, he transitioned to managing multi-million dollar commercial real estate properties, achieving record-breaking occupancies. Since 2011, Jay has been traveling the country as a professional sales trainer and Partner with Southwestern Consulting.


  • Control What You Can: Attitude and Effort

    Guest Post By: Emmie Brown

    attitudeOften we get frustrated in life when we try to control things that we actually have no control over.

    We get frustrated when the traffic is bad and we are late to work.

    We get frustrated when somebody doesn’t buy from us, or they don’t show up for an appointment.

    We get frustrated all day long with little things that are happening, that we forget that we cannot actually control some of those things.

    What can we do to keep from feeling this way?

    There are only two things each day that you actually can control. Only two things!

    They are your attitude and your effort. That’s it!

    When something bad happens you control how you react to that something. You can control what attitude you choose to put on. Choose to put on a good one!

    You can also control how hard you work. How many hours you put in. You control how hard you work during those hours, how many phone calls you make, if you pick up the phone and dial again and again and again.

    There are things that you can influence, like how well you have a conversation. You can influence if somebody buys or not, but you can’t really control the outcome at all.

    You can control a lot of what you do in terms of how many appointments you set, etc. You can have a great amount of control over that. Two things we can work on controlling is how hard we work and our attitude.

    If you focus on controlling the “controllables,” controlling what you actually can control, and just surrender the rest, you will have a lot less frustration and a whole lot more peace!

    Emmie Brown is an executive level coach and an expert in the Psychology of Scripting. Emmie started her career with The Southwestern Company as a student intern at the University of North Carolina. She continued to work with Southwestern over the next 10 years as a top producing sales manager until joining Southwestern Consulting in 2009. Emmie has spent the last 4 years traveling the country as a professional sales trainer, executive coach and business consultant with Southwestern Consulting and the Success Starts Now! conference series. She is also the author of the audio series Talk Less, Sell More and a breakout presenter at the Success Starts Now! sales training conference.


  • Never Have a Maniac Monday Again with These Two Tips

    Guest Post By: Amanda Johns Vaden

    time-to-planDo you ever feel like you have more to do than the hours that are available on any given day?

    Sometimes I wake up and I go to bed and I haven’t even checked anything off of my to-do list, and I think, “What did I do all day today?

    If you’ve ever felt like you had a Maniac Monday, we’re going to give you a couple of tips on how to really prepare your week. It will help you get things in order so you feel like you accomplished things and have a balanced week.

    Monday mornings crash in on you, whether it be responding to voicemail, setting appointments for the week, or responding to emails from the weekend, you’re picking up from where you left off on Friday afternoon. It’s crazy.

    Here are two tips to put into place to help better organize and manage your time.

    Tip 1:

    The key to avoiding a maniac Monday – don’t wait until Monday. Start your week off the right way and plan your whole week on Sunday’s.

    Yes, your whole week. Plan your calls, plan your meetings, plan your meals, plan your workout time, plan everything. Schedule it out. Scheduling is like anything else. If you don’t schedule it in, it probably won’t get done.

    The reason that you start to feel flustered and frustrated in the evenings or after work or on the weekends, if you tell yourself you’re always so busy and you never have time to do anything, it’s because you’re always doing things off the cuff and on the fly.

    You’re never planning ahead. You’re reactive, you’re not proactive. I know that because I used to be that way. Planning on Sunday night, it gives you clarity. It lets you breathe on Monday mornings because everything has a place and everything is in its place.

    Tip 2:

    Know where you’re going. This is the second benefit of having a very detailed schedule. I see and hear one of the biggest mistakes of sales people is they spend so much time searching, and looking, and preparing but they actually never do what they intended to do in the first place.

    Many times we have found at Southwestern Consulting that some of the best times of the day to reach decision makers are from the hours of 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. or even before 8 a.m. But generally, that’s when most people do their daily planning.

    That’s when they’re figuring out who are they going to call today? Who do they need to call back? Who do they need to email? Who do they want to put on their prospecting list? What kind of lead generation activity should we be doing?

    That’s not the time to be doing that. Eight o’clock to 10 o’clock is the time to be making phone calls and walking in doors. But many times, because we weren’t prepared, we didn’t know who to call on, that’s when we do all our prep time and the moment we get ready to walk out the door and pick up the phone, our decision makers, they’re busy or they’re gone for the day.

    If you really want to be successful and feel movement, you have to align your schedule with your decision makers, not with what’s convenient for you.

    Being detailed and planning ahead are really two keys that you can use to get rid of maniac Mondays and get a grip on your schedule.

     

    Amanda Johns Vaden is a founding partner, executive coach and senior consultant at Southwestern Consulting. She has worked with over 400 sales offices nationwide.  Amanda is the author of the upcoming books Unspoken: Redefining Expectations Between  Men and Women in the World of Work and 4-Dimensional Follow up: Increasing Client Retention and Customer Loyalty Through Follow Up


  • Bouncing Back Quickly

    Guest Post By: Gary Michels

     

    Confidence and great self-esteem is sexy and attractive, and fear, negativity and low esteem is not appealing at all. It certainly doesn’t get you ahead in life. When these types of unattractive behaviors take place, whether it is because of failing to hit a goal, a loss of some sort, a disappointment, a letdown, or even a small or large sickness of some sort, there is nothing more powerful than an attitude of BOUNCE BACK FAST! (BBF) Let’s think about the other option for a second of Bounce Back Slow. Of course, that is better than Bounce Back Never!!!

    So what are some things we can do to bounce back quicker than slower in both our business and personal lives? Have the proper self-talk. Are you reading daily affirmations 4-6 times a day as to pour into yourself thoughts that will require you to put the proper action into place? If we don’t replace the negative thoughts in our head with positive ones when there is a reason of some sort to bounce back the process will take longer. An example would be, “This is really hard to get over this huge setback.” Instead one could say, “I am a person that bounces back quickly from adversity and always come through stronger and better than before.”

    Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. I am always asking myself when I enter the room, am I a supportive loving, caring, enthusiastic being, inspiring and making things better for the people around me. If you surround yourself with as many people like yourself as you can, I guarantee you your BBF (Bounce Back Factor) will be better and quicker.

    Have a clear vision and mission in life. If the purpose and mission are strong enough and your “WHY” is powerful enough, you will do anything it takes to bounce back. If you have a goal of making a certain amount of money in a certain time period to be able to pay for a home, and knowing you couldn’t do it would let down the entire family, your BBF would be much quicker.

    What is your vision and why you exist every day? Have a healthy mind and body!! What we deposit into our mouths and our head pay great dividends. Are you eating healthy most of the time and setting aside time to get the proper exercise? Are you reading or listening to podcasts, books on tape, etc. to consistently be pouring fresh and exciting ideas into your life. Have some sort of faith and hope that you believe in and refer to on a regular basis. Believing that we are part of a bigger plan and that the future ahead of us will only be getting better is key to bouncing back quickly. Having the belief that in every setback there is a reason it happened and will make us stronger to deal with failures and setbacks in the future.

    The opposite of BBF to me is what I call the PLOM Disease. (Poor Little Old Me). I choose to not burden myself or others around me with my challenges. BBF is my only option. How about you?

     

    Gary Michels is a co-founder of Southwestern Consulting. He is a keynote speaker, sales trainer and business consultant and has motivated nearly 1,000,000 people to achieve their highest potential nationwide. Gary spent 19 successful years as a sales representative for a national fund-raising company.

     


  • The Two Types of Motivation to Know About

    Guest Post By: Emmie Brown

    Most of us are motivated by contests and incentives or earning recognition. We like to work towards goals. This type of motivation is called “Toward Motivation.” There’s another very powerful type of motivation that often gets overlooked. “Away Motivation.”

    Let’s say it’s 3 o’clock in the morning, on a very cold night in early spring, you’re laying in bed and your phone rings. Your buddy down the street is calling you to say, “There’s a big sale happening at the end of the street. They’re selling patio furniture and grills for really cheap. I know you really wanted to buy those. Come down here now!” And you’re thinking, “It’s 3 o’clock in the morning why would I get out of bed?”

    Let’s look at another example. In this scenario, you’re laying in bed at 3 o’clock in the morning. It’s freezing cold, and you get a phone call from the same buddy who says, “Hey, there’s someone on your back porch stealing your patio furniture and your brand-new grill!” Would you get out of bed? Most people say they would pop out of bed and chase the thieves out of their yard right away! “Away Motivation.”

    Everybody is motivated a little bit differently, but typically the fear of loss is an even more powerful motivator than excitement for gain. We overlook the type of motivation called “Away Motivation.” We are away motivated when we are trying to avoid consequences.

    Here is an example in your business realm. One of our clients was having a really hard time asking for referrals. He would either just forget to ask, or often times would not ask because he was afraid to. We really needed to get him to ask for those referrals. Now we have the “Toward Motivation.” The opportunity to earn more business, the opportunity to get more results and get mores prize. But this really wasn’t motivating him. We needed to put that “Away Motivation” in place. What we did for him was ask him who was someone that he really did not like. Unfortunately, he really didn’t like his assistant. This person wasn’t his assistant by choice, this was a company chosen assistant that was decades older than him, didn’t report to him, and didn’t respect him in his eyes. So, what we decided to do was every time he forgot to ask a referral he had to write her a check for $50. He had to tell her he was giving her that because he didn’t do what he said he was going to do. That was embarrassing enough to him that it only took one time of forgetting to ask for referrals, and he never wanted to experience that again.

    Think about this for yourself. What are some consequences that you can put in place that will help you to be more motivated and hit your goals? Would it motivate you to have to donate money to the political party you are not a fan of? Would it motivate you to have to cancel a trip if you don’t do what you say you will do? Would it motivate you to give sales to your competitor? Think about those consequences, put them in place, and watch how things will change for you.

    We need to have consequences in place, not just rewards in order to sufficiently motivate ourselves. Make sure you have “Toward Motivation” and “Away Motivation” in your plan to achieve your goals!

    What are some things that have helped you? Share here, tweet me @emmie__brown

    Emmie Brown is an executive level coach and an expert in the Psychology of Scripting. Emmie started her career with The Southwestern Company as a student intern at the University of North Carolina. She continued to work with Southwestern over the next 10 years as a top producing sales manager until joining Southwestern Consulting in 2009. Emmie has spent the last 4 years traveling the country as a professional sales trainer, executive coach and business consultant with Southwestern Consulting and the Success Starts Now! conference series. She is also the author of the audio series Talk Less, Sell More and a breakout presenter at the Success Starts Now! sales training conference.


  • Fuel Your Fire

    Guest Post By: Rory Vaden

    It’s easy to look at other people’s success and be jealous.

    Sometimes it’s not even envy that shows up, but more of just frustration with your own situation or your own progress. Because you see where they are and you know that you’re capable of the same thing.

    But that gap of dissatisfaction doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It can be incredibly compelling and highly motivating for you on your journey.

    You just have to remember two things:

    First, other people haven’t taken the same route as you have to get where they are. They may have been more focused, had different mentorship, more specific training, or just plain started earlier than you did. And you can’t compare your chapter 3 to someone else’s chapter 9. Instead, you can gain perspective by evaluating the “trajectory” that you’re on.

    Don’t compare where you are today to someone else’s yesterday. Think about where the course you’re currently on is going to lead you. Very often you will find that if you are making good choices now, that you are inevitably headed toward the same eventual destination.

    Secondly, and more importantly, you have to quickly realize that there is no benefit in wallowing in what you do not have.

    It brings no value to your life to think about what you have not yet accomplished.

    And it does nothing to speed up your progress by looking at what others have achieved that you haven’t yet.

    Unless…

    It drives you and inspires you to do the only thing you can do: work.

    As soon as you realize there’s more you want to accomplish, then you should immediately activate.

    You go to work.

    You decide that you’re not ok with that gap.

    You decide that it’s not acceptable for you not to achieve those same things with your life.

    And you decide that you will find a way to do whatever it takes to accomplish those achievements that you want.

    It’s not about what other people have that you don’t.

    It’s about seeing other people’s accomplishments that you believe are meant to be possible for your own life too.

    And when you see them, you feel that gap. You feel that dissatisfaction. You feel that space that you were meant to fill.

    You don’t get jealous. You don’t get envious.

    You simply get to work.

    Self-Discipline Strategist Rory Vaden’s book Take the Stairs is a #1 Wall St Journal, #1 USA Today, and #2 New York Times bestseller. As an award-winning entrepreneur and business leader, Rory Co-Founded Southwestern Consulting™, a multi-million dollar global consulting practice that helps clients in more than 27 countries drive educated decisions with relevant data.

    Additionally, as the founder of the Center for the Study of Self-Discipline (CSSD), his insights on improving self-discipline, overcoming procrastination and enhancing productivity have been featured on Fox and Friends, Oprah radio, CNN and in Fast Company, Forbes, Inc and Success Magazine.


  • How to Take the Pressure Off

    Guest Post By: Dustin Hillis

    We live in a world of unmet expectations. We are consumed with struggling through the daily grind to be successful, or stripping away stresses to find our inner-self and calmness, or indulging in everything life has to offer to just be happy. We feel “less than”, pressure, and frustrated when we don’t achieve what we are longing for. We make an idol of success, tranquility or happiness.

    Tim Keller said it best in his book Counterfeit Gods, “When an idol gets a grip on your heart, it spins out a whole set of false definitions of success and failure and happiness and sadness. It redefines reality in terms of itself.”

    It’s mind-boggling how some of the most successful people I know are so full of insecurity and self-doubt. The outside world thinks these people are the most successful people who have it all together, and the reality is they are freaking out on the inside and putting too much pressure on themselves. I remember feelings of extreme pressure that I would put on myself, and thoughts of being less than no matter what I accomplished or achieved.

    I’m sure you’re asking yourself right now, “this sounds good, but how in the world am I supposed to do this?”

    Here are 3 Ideas on how do we take the pressure off:

    1. Take a reality check. Ask yourself these two question:

    ♦  During your idle time, where is your head at? What do you literally think about when you are left by yourself?

    ♦  If you were 100% honest with yourself, where are you at emotionally?

    2. Find the root of the problem. Typically, there are three main root issues that cause us to put too much pressure on ourselves.

    ♦ “Comparison is the thief of all joy” – Any time we compare ourselves to anyone else, it creates pressure. There will always be someone else who is better, faster, better looking, stronger and smarter. We are all inadequate to everyone at something.

    ♦ Not having fun. – Your attitude is a choice. Your energy level is a choice. Choosing to have fun and be joyful in every single thing you do every single day is a choice.   Most people live in a reactionary state. They just let things happen to them and just think “woe is me”, or they take themselves so seriously they leave no room to simply have fun.

    ♦ Feeling like a failure. – Feeling like a failure is the granddaddy of all root issues when it comes to putting too much pressure on ourselves. Failure is part of life. No one is perfect. Anyone who expects to be perfect at anything will be guaranteed to feel like a failure because it’s impossible to be perfect at anything over a long period of time. At some point, we will all break. Often, it takes us reaching our breaking point to be able to accept our brokenness and dig down to the root of our problems.

    3.  Focus on Unconditional Confidence.

    In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the highest level is “self-actualization” which focuses on morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice and acceptance of facts.

    aa_maslow

    The difference between Maslow’s “self-actualization” and Unconditional Confidence is that Unconditional Confidence cannot be found inside yourself. Unconditional Confidence is not a goal or something you achieve. Unconditional Confidence comes from an understanding that you were created for a higher calling. You were created to die to your selfishness, and your highest achievement in life is to love, serve and care for other people. Another great book by Tim Keller – Every Good Endeavor – does an excellent job at describing in detail how to have Unconditional Confidence.

    There are three types of confidences and our goal is to strive to be Unconditionally Confident.

    1. False Confidence – Faking it until you make it has its place and time. However, we need to quickly get ourselves out of a false confidence state once we embark on trying something new. False Confidence is saying you’re going to do something or thinking you are good at something with no real evidence to back it up. There are plenty of people out there who say “I could have done that if I really wanted to” or “I’m going to be number one.” Etc.

    2. Conditional Confidence – Conditional Confidence comes into play after we’ve set the stage with our False Confidence. We’ve set an expectation for ourselves that we are supposed to be a certain way or accomplish certain things, and then when the results are less than what we hoped for, we feel defeated and less than. Conditional Confidence is contingent on results. If we win, we feel good. If we lose, we feel pressure. Conditional Confidence is equivalent to the 4th level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – “Esteem: self esteem, confidence, achievement, respect for others, respect by others”. Most of us get stuck with Conditional Confidence our whole life.

    3. Unconditional Confidence – People who are Unconditionally Confident have figured out their purpose in life and what they are called to do. Once we have figured that out, we then get to work every day knowing we are making a difference in the world through our work habits, not our results.

    If taking the pressure off is something that you need to focus on, print off this quote and read it aloud every day for the next year:

    “I do not expect success all the time, but due to the belief in my gifts and God-given abilities in addition to my knowledge and acquired skills, I can be fearless in the moment. In reality, self-worth has nothing to do with the outcome. So when the pressure comes, I cannot hesitate. Knowing sometimes I will do well and sometimes I won’t, regardless, I know failure is temporary and success will happen with perseverance.”

     

    Dustin Hillis is the Co-founder of Southwestern Consulting. He is an expert in understanding buying, selling and management behavior styles and how to identify them and adapt to people the way they want to be communicated with. He also specializes in writing efficient and effective Customized Sales Scripts/Word Tracks. Mr Hillis consults companies on creating Compensation Plans, Recruiting Systems and Sales Strategies. Dustin is the author of the book Navigate: The Art of Not Thinking and co-author of Speaking of Success along with Stephen Covey, Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield